Bobby and I
met at Multnomah Bible College in 1993. I was 17 when I went to
college. I did have a boyfriend back home. That boyfriend hit his
head and had a case of amnesia (forgetting me) two weeks before college.
I wrote him daily and called him, I think he wrote back. Shortly after
college started (while on Mid-Semester Break) he broke up with me and I cried
in my mother's arms. The amnesia was God’s way of saying, “No” about that
boyfriend.
I went back to college dejected but OK. I hung out with friends,
sometimes. Mostly I did schoolwork which I fervently believed mattered
most since so much money was being shelled out for it. I told everyone
that I didn’t want to date until I was a junior in college.
In Introduction to Church Ministries with Dr. Kopp, I chose to sit
next to Bobby. I was diligent at taking notes. He just didn’t
know how to take good notes. We ended up talking because he wanted to use
my notes, but he needed translation because my handwriting was illegible
to him. We conversed and got to know each other. We sometimes ate
meals together at the cafeteria. He was fun, goofy and made me laugh.
The college dorms would shut down periodically for various breaks like Thanksgiving,
so we all had to leave. Some people had a car for the 4-hour drive to my
home. I had a place for them to stay. I have always enjoyed hanging
out with boys. They are much easier to get along with than girls who can
be all about looks, and catty. Boys are more fun. Boys also usually
paid for stuff when we went out.
I had Chris Feliciano over for Thanksgiving and we still remember his awe at
the vacuum in my parents’ house. I was trying to keep the whole ‘my
parents are rich’ on the down low because I had an issue wondering if people
only liked me in high school because of the money. Anyway, Chris had the
weirdest thanksgiving ever when my family didn’t watch any football.
Instead, we gathered to watch Grandpa's eyeball on the screen for his cataract
surgery.
But I digress, less about my college experience, and more about how Bobby and I
met. All that was to say that when Bobby came to my house for three weeks
of Christmas break my freshman year it wasn’t too big of a deal for me to have
people over for the week. I did think he was cute but wasn’t thinking he
was “the one”. I did prefer him over this guy in my church college
group. Because of this, I asked Bobby to hold my hand and pretend we were
together, so I didn’t have to deal with any entanglements at the college
group. (Unbeknownst to me, he had a crush on me already.)
I remember that later he had a cold. My mom gave him some leftover
codeine and that knocked him out for a couple of days. We thought he was
very polite quarantining in his room like that. I don’t think we knew how
amazingly effective codeine is on him.
A day or so after Christmas, we went to Canada where Bobby met my extended
family who lived in British Columbia. When they heard his story, they all
asked if they could pray for him and that’s when he fell in love with my
family. Also, they listened to the ENTIRE walk thru the Bible which
showed a lot of patience. His excitement for the Bible and the Lord is
wonderful.
When we went back to college, I confided to him I liked his good friend Ian
Durias. Then Bobby stopped hanging around, calling, everything.
Silence. I figured it out. If I wasn’t interested in him
romantically, he wasn’t going to devote extra attention towards me outside of
friendship. I guess we talked on the phone sometimes anyway because I
asked him to be my boyfriend right after he told me the church he was
volunteering at gave him a car. He was so excited about the car he had to
say, “What?” about two times to give me the answer that yes, he wanted to be my
boyfriend. From Bobby: “We might have different recollections of how we
ended up dating. She made it known that she was interested and that’s
what I was looking for.”
I guess I am not very strong on the things I resolve. I was a freshman,
but I liked his attention so much that I was willing to date before being a
Junior. I still wasn’t willing to get married before I graduated
yet. I wanted to be a missionary in Africa but Bobby was clear that was
not the direction he was pursuing. So, I decided that Youth Ministry
sounded fun enough.
I believe we became boyfriend and girlfriend over the phone. (Bobby is
sure that it wasn’t over the phone. How tacky.) How exciting.
The next time we saw each other he asked if we could hold hands. I said,
“OK” but it was overwhelming. My feelings soared too much. I
couldn’t handle it and said, “Let’s wait two weeks before doing that again.”
At Multnomah Bible college holding hands is like baptism. It’s a public
declaration of your relationship and pretty much seals that you are getting
married. Ring by spring or your money back is a silly saying that was
passed along.
In two weeks, we were joyfully holding hands and within the month Bobby asked
me to marry him. I said, “Let’s see if this lasts more than three months
because I have never had a boyfriend last that long.” I had one boyfriend
that lasted two days at camp. One that got amnesia and one that lied
about everything. I did not have good luck with boyfriends. (Bobby
insists that it wasn’t a proper asking for marriage but more of a “that’s where
I want this to end up” kind of thing.)
We were a goofy couple, sappy and giddy. We would stare at each other and
sigh. He would playfully pour popcorn that wasn’t eaten at a movie
theater all over me. If we walked under a dripping tree branch, he would
pull it and have water cascading onto me. (Again, he says he would do
that to most of his friends. He thinks he’s hilarious.) We would
hip-bump as we walked, and it was all just stupid. Stupid in love is what
we called ourselves and I truly believe our heads were not screwed on straight.
It was all emotions and infatuation.
He asked when I wanted to marry him, this year or the next. I told
him next year and he promptly bought a snowboard with the money that would have
gone to a ring. I was annoyed later when I found that out. He has
never been good with money. (Bobby says, “What!?!”)
Before my birthday on October 11th of my junior year, my parents came down
to visit. We visited Pittock Mansion with them and Bobby. I enjoyed
my time with them, and Bobby pulled my dad aside to ask him if he would give
his blessing to marry me. My Dad said, “I’m not ready yet; I’ll give you
my answer later.” They went back home to the Seattle area and Bobby
waited for a phone call. It didn’t come. Bobby called the next day
and was told to expect a fax later that afternoon. Meanwhile, Bobby had
two tests that day in college and he couldn’t concentrate much on anything but
waiting for that fax to arrive.
The answer from my dad was yes. I love how
it started out though. “You wouldn’t dare ask for my car. You
wouldn’t even dream of asking for my boat or house. Yet, you ask for
someone far more precious to me than any of my possessions.” My dad went
on to say how he expected me to be treated well and how much he loved me.
It was a most loving letter about me and an acceptance of Bobby into our family
as well.
Bobby asked me to marry him again and again, I would say, “Yes, but later”
Sometimes I would say, “Ask me again and I’ll say no.” It was
exasperating because he asked at least twice a day. One day he handed me
a ring during chapel. I was miffed. Is this our friends? Is
this real? I put it on because I did want to get married. YET that
was the least humble, most presumptuous proposal ever (never mind that I had
already said yes over 100 times). There were friends sitting on both
sides of us that knew more than I did, and all were looking at me and
giggling. Really – he told everyone but me! Ugh.
That evening I called my sister to vent. She was a wonderful listening
ear. The next day I had gotten over being snippy and realized, “I’m
engaged! I can plan a wedding!” This began some looking at wedding
magazines and a flurry of activity that culminated in, “I don’t really
care!” I enjoyed trying on wedding dresses with my mom during spring
break. We got one on clearance for $400 and I was proud of the low
price. Anita ended up helping plan (by this I mean she planned most of
it) the wedding and reception. I don’t care about most details. I
picked out bridesmaid patterns (Simplicity) and cloth then gave this to my
bridesmaids. I think it was $27 for each person and then, “Here’s a
project.” I chose a dusky pink and green. I love the colors
still.
I would alternate between caring about the wedding and giving all control to
Anita. She did a great job! I wanted the best price but again,
didn’t care. I still don’t know or want to know how much feeding 300
people dinner costs. But it sure was a fun day and having a pinata was
delightful. I think it’s funny Bobby gathered candy with the kids.
I know he gave it away to them, but I think we have a picture of him on the
ground, gathering candy.
The garter toss was also memorable because a youth group person pushed my
cousin to the ground in the frenzied grab. Poor cousin, he got up rubbing
his bottom. All this to say, we had a fabulous day and enjoyed it
immensely. I was 20 and he was 22.
Five years later we had Adriel. She was delightful and when she smiled at
me about two months later, I fell in love. With Adriel, I was worried I
was carrying a spider. The first ultrasound was very nice. I
enjoyed finding out she was human. It felt weird having someone inside of
me.
Seth was planned to the month and even by gender
(with the book “Your fertility signals”). I loved him even in the
womb. Seth, I knew he was human.
I love my children more than they will ever
know. Being a wife changed me. Being a mother even more. I
have learned it’s OK to live without sleep. I have learned to give, be
sacrificial and enjoy it. My life goes on through my children and my
writings. May all who read be blessed
and feel joy at the love God gives us.
